I. (A latter day commentary ) And lo! Unto the church was sent an epistle from an apostle. And the apostle from whom cometh the epistle was egg, for egg calleth they him. And the epistle was sent by email. And this wonder didst speak of far nations where dwelleth crustacea, that he might study he them.
II. I have been to the mountain top and The Lord has Spaketh unto me! Hally-loo-ya!!
III. For verily, thou hast heard it said that English birds drink pints and sometimes like football, but verily can be a right old pain in thine arse. Thou also knowest of the ancient law which states that French birds are dirty and wear verily exciting underwear, but alas they are totally mad. bonkers. completely hatstand.
IV. But Behold, a new law I giveth unto thee! For I have been to the land beyond the tapas and siesta, where the air is filled with the smoke of charred sardines, the wine flows freely and I did feel a stirring in mine loins.
V. For there is nought to compare in the Marvels of mine Lords creation than yer average Portugese bottom. Verily though thou speakest in a strange tongue, wilt thou not let thy tongue meet mine? I shalt sing to thine soft round cheeks, perchance I may cop a handful:
Oh the Portugese Arse!
By Christ, it's pure class,
Surely nowt can surpass,
The Portugese Arse.
VI. Here endeth the lesson, let us meditate upon this script quietly, in the transendent peace which comes with eventide, a roll of bog paper at our side.
